"Welcome to 'The I'm Not Gay Show,' where we always say

                                         the only thing harder than being gay is not being gay."

                                 "Today on 'The I'm Not Gay Show,' we have a special

                                      treat. We're going to hear a medley of songs from

                                                 The I'm Not Gay Men's Chorus."

                                 "In the next segment of 'The I'm Not Gay Show,' we're

                                       going to talk the mayor of a South Dakota town

                                                  that has declared that it is not gay."

                                     "Today on 'The I'm Not Gay Show,' we're going to

                                             give you some wonderful tips on how to tell

                                                     your parents that you're not gay."